I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
as a side note pls kill me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
