Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
