Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
