all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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