That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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