just tell him i said nine months
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
