you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my poor anus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I see more hoeing in ur future
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
