Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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