8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
