So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I cut my penus on the lid.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize