I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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