made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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