yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
