There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
