I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
