The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
