it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
