just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
