hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
