We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
