i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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