I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
