I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
