clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
