The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
