DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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