I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
