I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
