I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
