i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
