u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's never too late to be topless.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
