I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
