That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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