Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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