My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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