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I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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