Apparently you make a good broom.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
