He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
