My nipple is on Facebook.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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