he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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