11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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