That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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