He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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