Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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