i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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