Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
