everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
