WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
