It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
