Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
