I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
