we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
