piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
