Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
