he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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