my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
