Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.