my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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