Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
