she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
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The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?