I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
