So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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