Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
