Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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