you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
