You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
