Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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