Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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